if you were to ever look back at your life, what would you remember?

Would it be the day I decided that there is no such thing as ‘good friends’ or would it be the day I realized that life is a waste shunting between home and office. There have been many such moments which have altered the way I interpret the world around me.

If I look back at my life I see that studies and academics never really excited me. I never felt any sense of achievement studying organic chemistry or applying the right hand thumb rule. Computers did excite me, writing simple programs in C++, making websites in simple HTML was quite interesting when I was in school. However that never could quite make me popular among the girls though. Computers did become quite boring when I started off with with engineering. Somehow I completed the degree with most of the electronics subjects dragging me back. I used to hate Fourier transforms, digital signal processing etc. Such subjects sapped the fun out of learning new stuff.

A big turning point in my academic life was when my project guide fought with me in the fourth year and cancelled my project with just a month left to go for engineering to finish. I somehow worked hard day and night, for the first time ever in my life and completed a new project from scratch, did 6 months worth of work in just 30 days and yet managed to score the second highest grade while at it. That was the time I realized I could achieve whatever I wanted to only if i worked seriously at it. Though sadly there are very few things in life for which I feel motivated to that extent. Most of the stuff in life bores me!

My friends at Hyderabad, learning to dance at shiamak, and the cold war at workplace are the major factors which which have shaped me the way I am now. The last 3-4 years have been the most momentous. Sometimes I used to enjoy a lot, and sometimes I used to get bored to death.

Now it seems there is nothing to look forward to, life has come to a standstill. I am not making any new memories anymore. I dont know whats missing in life, though I am pretty sure something is. I feel this desperate need to express myself, though I am not even aware of what I wanna convey. Nothing excites me anymore. Have I grown very old now?


~ by sleepwalker on May 9, 2011.

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